The Obits
The part about me and my high school buddies is true – it’s how we passed the time before school started each morning. Our paperboy friend brought in the day’s paper, and we bet on how many times each term for dying was used in that day’s obits. Mooning the ogre. It’s a whole lot more real these days.
Drinking my morning coffee, scanning through the news
Checking out Dear Abby, for advice that I can’t use
But it never seems to fail that the obits catch my eye
I read enough to tell me when each one died and why
And I don’t know a one, and I wonder why I care
Must be reassurance buried somewhere deep in there
If they did something stupid, or reached a ripe old age
Then I know I’ll be okay
As cynics back in high school, my friends and I would try
To count the ways the obits said that each poor soul had died
Well, some just died; some passed away; some entered into rest
But the ones that flew into the arms of Jesus were the best
That’s when it dawned on me that no one went to hell
As if the folks that wrote those things had any way to tell
Of course, that means that heaven must be crowded anyway
So I know, either way, I’ll be okay
I read the obits, that’s right, the obits
The news is more depressing, strange as that may seem
But tales of the departed, with their wild hyperbole
That’s the place I go to find security oh oh oh
I think as I get older, assuming I’m still here
I’ll still use the obits to calm those creeping fears
But then, I’ll read them slower, so I can do the math
To know which ones were older, or younger when they passed
As long as more are older, my mind will be at rest
But as soon as more are younger, that will put me to the test
Every ounce of my denial I’ll have to tap each day
Just to know, I’ll be okay
I read the obits, that’s right, the obits
The news is more depressing, strange as that may seem
But tales of the departed, with their wild hyperbole
That’s the place I go to find security oh oh oh
I read the obits, that’s right, the obits
When I want something real, I don’t bother with TV
Behind the ads for hearing aids and plastic surgery
That’s the place I go to find reality oh oh oh
In the obits